I tell you what, time frikkin flies by these days and sometimes, it feels like I have actually got nowhere closer towards what I want to do with my life and it gets pretty frustrating to say the least. But yeah, 2 months down into 2010 – the year of doing for me – and I found myself questing myself yet again ! Who would believe that huh !!

So, after a pretty intense 2 weeks, all I can say is thank fuck I got through it. Leaving work this evening, I found myself somewhat disheartened by my seeming lack of progress and then I actually got to being a bit more kind to myself. And that was when some tears rose to the surface – again !!

I was standing on the crowded platform at London Bride Underground Station, waiting to catch my final tube connection home for the night when this totally different blog dawned on me. A few days ago, I gave you what I think is Step 1 of 3 Steps and tonight I was going to add in the second step – who knows, maybe I still will. Anyway, after questioning myself and my progress for a while, I thought about some stuff that I had learned this year and it was pretty cool. I did not feel like getting my note book out of my back pack so instead, I took my phone out of my pocket and started typing mysef a note. The more I wrote, the more the tears came, to the point that some kind young dude asked if I was OK – something that you do not see every day in London I must add. So I thought I would share with you, and get you to probably share with yourself, or even here, what you have learnt so far this year. Some of them are hard for me to personally admit because (thanks to my lack of self belief at times) they seem to sound somewhat arrogant, yet all I am doing is accepting what is and, for once, owning it instead of giving it away to someone else.

So, in 2010 I have learnt: -

1) That I am “me” and that that is something pretty damn special. It’s a pretty unique thing this model of a man and I am beginning to see that it is something quite damn cool too !!

2) That even though inside of me I feel like nothing special, people look up to me more than I actually realise.

3) That sometimes, no matter how hard I work or how hard I try, even my hardest work and efforts will still not be good enough for others and that hurts me a lot. However, I have learnt that my hard work is MY hard work and nobody can, or will, EVER take that away from me. As long as I can, hand on my heart and honestly, say that I have done my very best, then that is all that I can do. It will help me to know what I should and should not do next time but I am still allowed to feel a little upset. It also reminds me about the time old principle of kharma and all that that beholds.

4) That puddles are still one the greatest thing that God ever sent down with the rain because jumping in them still makes me laugh all by myself.

5) That I have really learnt that I do not like 2-faced people at all and sometimes, even people you considered to be friends do not have the courage to speak to you to your face about things. And that reminds me to ensure that I am always upfront and honest about things as well.

6) That someone, somewhere is always watching every single thing that you do all the time through their own “sunglasses” or through their own view of the world. They will read whatever it is that they want into what you are doing with no thought or question for what it is that you are actually doing.

7) That quiet farts are still the most violent ones – I am a man after all, and will always fart, regardless of what I might say !

8 ) That if my values and beliefs really are that important to me, I will continuosly do the best that I can to stay true to those because that is who I have become and who I strive to be every single day of my life. Sometimes, I don’t quite get there and that reminds me that I am human and that’s OK too, but that it’s not an excuse to be someone who I am not.

9) That when I let myself, I know how to have a lot of fun.

10) That I should let myself have a lot more fun.

11) That I know more than I let myself believe that I know.

12) That even though I am still afraid to say it sometimes, my opinion matters and my feelings matter too, and that it is OK to choose to feel those feelings because they are mine and I don’t have to pretend to feel something else. I guess I should share Step 2 and 3 with you soon than.

13) That it is OK to grow past people and that it is OK to accept that you deserve to be in the positions you are put into.

14) That I have been truly blessed to have gone through things that I have gone through because it has allowed me to have such an open minded view of the world.

15) That I love to wear crazy crazy underwear sometimes.

16) That there are 5 people in this world who I love more than anything and when I feel like giving up, their faces pop into my mind and their smiles keep me kicking my own arse.

17) That sometimes, teddy bear’s are a man’s best friend and every man should have one because they don’t say anything when you cry.

18) That growing is painful because you are turning into something that you can never turn away from, no matter how hard you try. I guess it is like being born again and again and again and again ! Some people just like to change a little bit at a time, I have learnt that I like to do it lots at a time !

19) That I still hate doing laundry and tidying my room !

20) That I didn’t realise that my list of things that I have learnt this year was this long.

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