Today is my day of arrival on this big planet of ours, commonly known as a birthday. I have never been one to celebrate birthdays at all, in fact I chose to think of them as really shit days in the past for many reasons.  Until I realised, over the last few years, why this was the case. Through my journey of self discovery, I found that it was because deep down inside, I did not accept or like myself very much and could not understand why others did. There was a time when I made an internal pact that I would not live past my 30^th birthday, and believe me, I did a pretty good job and trying to seal that deal. It was only then, after being given a fourth or fifth chance, that I realised how short life was, and how truly blessed I was to be given another chance after what I had put my family, but more importantly, myself through.

So today, I sit and give thanks for my 8^th birthday in my new life and thought I would share some of my biggest learnings during my own personal journey to today. It is also a tribute of thanks to you who read this blog regularly as well because you get to know more about me, and in doing so, you get to know more about yourself, and that is more than I could ever ask for.

Doing what your heart says takes massive amounts of faith

I have had the true privilege of meeting and having possibly the most amazing business partner anyone could ever wish for. We are like brothers, to the point that it is now one of the most common questions we are asked when we are together, and the other night, we did our first ever webinar for our baby, Ego Invenio. Let me just tell you that it could possibly be one of the most terrifying things we have ever done, and there were a few moments when both of us just looked at each other and no words were needed. Yet we knew that what we have to share with people will truly transform their lives – quite literally. And how do we know this? Because it has got us to where we are today and we want to share it. When you have faith, in whatever it is that you want to do, and you know in your heart that it is your truth, I now know that you can do those scary things.

The importance of Gratitude

I spend time every single day reflecting on my gratitude list. I look at it like an investment in my life and it gets you through the dark and difficult days we all have. It makes me realise just how truly lucky I am, and even last night, walking to catch a bus, we passed about 10 or 12 homeless people sleeping in the streets and it reminded me how far I have come in 4 years of living in London. But above all else, it gives me that drive each day to follow my heart and live my dreams – I guess you could say gratitude is the jet fuel of life ! Wow – that’s fucking cool that one mate !!!

My circle of friends is a direct representation of myself

I will be the first person to put my hand up and say that I have 2 very distinct and different circles of friends, and in the past have found that I kept them quite separate.  I had the chance last night to introduce my business partner to them and I saw something truly special. The other night I spoke about the standards that we set for ourselves and how our current destination is a direct reflection of our life. And I was very proud and blessed. My friends, all in their own very unique way, are a huge reflection of my parts. They are crazy and funny, they are mad and outrageous, they are intelligent and driven, they are little and large, but above all, they are fucking amazing people. I have not seen the “crazy ones” for quite a while as I have been working really hard, both on myself and on Ego Invenio over the last couple of months. They were not expecting me to arrive last night as we had a work function, but my housemate really wanted to see my birthday in with me, and he is my closest friend here in London. It was also another mate’s birthday too, so I decided to go along. I was overwhelmed by the welcome I received as I was bit nervous to be honest, but within 5 minutes, the insults were flying and it was like we had never spent time apart. I heard how career changes had been made, we reflected on Oscar Wilde and Dorrian Gray, we spoke about my career change, love life and so many more things. But most importantly, inwardly, I truly am proud of the standards I have set that are directly reflected by some of the most amazing people around me in my life and it is my commitment to spend more time with them in this coming year.

I also have some amazing friends back home in Zimbabwe, and  just this week, we were laughing about how we used to play hide and seek (yes, as grown ups after putting the kids to bed) and all the fun and games we had. It was nice to know that no matter how far away you are from your true friends, they will always make you laugh and smile !

And my online friends who I have never met yet chat with frequently. They influence my life in a very big way and I love following what they do and just getting to know more about them.

Nothing is more important than my inner health

I can work on my career and my relationships, on my finances or investments, but if I don’t take care of my foundation, then I will never get anywhere. My biggest dream many years ago was to work on a construction project that would be known globally, no matter where in the world I went. I had the priveledge to work on Terminal 5 at Heathrow, and was so focused on my chartership and exams and career that I forgot to take care of me. Yes I was getting ahead in life, but deeply unfulfilled until I started reinforcing the foundation.

When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life

A year ago, I had a huge career change as you can see from the last point. And I began to follow my heart and work in the industry that I am now. I say work because I guess that is what you call it. But it means something truly different to me today. Yes, I get stressed. Yes it gets busy and you get tired, but you know what, every day I cannot wait to get to work, or to work on my own stuff. And I now truly understand what they mean when they say that and how many people actually have that chance?

Getting “hurt” by someone you love is by far the best way to get to know yourself

I learnt to fall in love this year, and just to test that waters, I actually did it twice would you believe, and both times, just as I realised deep down inside where I was and what was going on, the relationships ended. At the times, it was truly confusing because from my side, it was totally unexpected. But it made me realise that I had the choice. In the past, I chose to use it to keep me from getting hurt. This time around, thanks to the gratitude that I mentioned, yes, obviously I was very hurt and upset, but it taught me so very much about myself. I had had the chance to spend some top quality time, getting to know someone, them getting to know me and it really showed me a deeper side of myself. So thank you to both of them for helping me learn a very big lesson, and in doing so, appreciating and understanding myself so much more.

It’s OK to cry – planting a seed

Man, have I cried the last year. I don’t know what it is but I guess once you open the taps, they just keep coming. But what I have learnt is that when we cry, it is because we have grown a little bit and opened up a “hole” in our heart (the pain or gratitude we feel.) God (or whatever you believe in) then comes along and plants a seed and in order for that new gift to grow, we need to water it. And we do that by crying ! It washes away the loose dirt and debris lying around and it waters that seed so that it can blossom into a new understanding flower !

When you know why you do what you do, anything becomes possible

This is HUGE for me. Fucking huge ! I have 2 of the most amazing beautiful children in the world, and the most amazing ex-wife anyone could ever ask for. And my mom and my sister are just something truly beautiful in my life. These 5 people have seen me in hospital with tubes up my nose, needles in my arms, machines beeping and naked under the sheet on the bed. They held my hand, physically and mentally and emotionally, when I did not have the strength to even look at myself in the mirror. And they love me for who and what I am. But above all else, they helped me find what it was that drives me each and every single day, and when you get that, when you truly find your inspiration in life to do what you do and make the world a better and safer place, then anything becomes possible. It is still scary but it is possible. Find your why. Even if, at first, your why is someone else like it used to be for me. Use it to help you even more to find your why, and it does not matter what it is. YOUR why is YOUR why and nobody else’s and never let anyone make you doubt it. If they do, call me and I will come and kick their ass for them !

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life

Herbert Otto

I have come to the conclusion - and yes, I know many of you will say that this is so – that life is about taking risks. Some of them are calculated and prepared for, others are ones where you just jump head first into the unknown, not knowing what the fuck is going to happen. And you know what I have learnt? That it is during those leaps of utmost and seemingly insane faith that we get the most growth.

4 years ago today, I was preparing for one of those giant leaps into the unknown. I had sold every single thing that I owned to buy an air ticket to come and live in London. It had taken me almost 9 months to prepare myself for this leap of faith and despite that, I was bloody terrified. I knew nobody here and I had absolutely no idea where I was going to live, what work I was going to do or for that matter, how the hell the underground operated. But all that I knew was that I had to get here. One, so that I could be closer to my children and ex-wife and mend the relationship that I had destroyed with them. And two – to follow my heart and start working on my big dreams.

So this weekend I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my journey so far. Over the last 4 years I have pushed myself to limits I never believed possible. It has been physically, mentally and emotionally challenging and painful as I have continued to leap blindly into the unknown, in the faith that what I do with my life is going to benefit and aid my dream of helping people and changing the world, one person at a time.

I had a chat with someone I call my brother today about this very thing, and during our conversation, I openly admitted the fears and doubts that I have at times. Accepting my personal gifts and strengths in making my vision and lessons know to people was something I denied and fought for many years. I used to believe that in order to make a difference, one would need tangible and visible “products” to share with the world, so therefore, I just used to think I could not make a difference. In this absence of self belief, what I did not realise that it got me to push myself even further, each and every day. It gave me faith and belief that every little and large leap I took over the edge showed me more and more of what I was capable of.

And it has brought me to a place of possibly the most amazing serenity and peace I have ever come to know despite the complete seeming uncertainty around me during this current leap of faith. I saw today during our talk that I have pushed myself further than many people would take themselves in many lifetimes, and I began to see the impact that that was having.

To be come fully alive a person must have goals and aims that transcend himself.

Herbert Otto

I had spent many hours yesterday drawing up what I would like to do with my life and put aside all doubts and thoughts. I put it ALL down on paper for once, not holding back. Getting it all out took about 3 or 4 hours – really thinking big. Truly digging deep for that personal inspiration that makes me keep pushing every boundary I have ever known and some I did not even know existed. Allowing someone close to me to take a look at it was like standing naked in Trafalgar Square on a packed Saturday afternoon. Part of me wanted to grab the paper and run, yet my heart knew that this was the next step that needed to be taken.

I look back now to August 2006. I see how that last 4 years have shaped me into the person that I allow myself to be today. I look at the paper with my dreams out in the open and I look inside to the reason why I keep taking those risks and it makes it be OK. In January when I started writing this blog, I prayed that by December it would be seen 1,000 times and that scared me. We are now in August, and it is now nearing 3,000 unique views. I thought the 1,000 was crazy when I came up with the figure and that makes my piece of paper all the more real.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to my own personal God who has given me wings for these giant leaps I take and angels like Mufasa who catch me when I think I am going to fall. I thank my God for the gifts of 2 amazing children and the most beautiful ex-wife anyone could ever ask for – themjust being in my life makes me stretch the wings even more. I thank him for my family far away on the other side of the world, constantly routing for me. And I thank him for each and every one of you who visit this site and read my words. There are times when I feel like I am just pouring out the biggest load of shite, but then I get a comment about how it made a difference to someone and that makes the brutal honesty OK.

Oh, and I thank him for soft tissue paper in England because I have learnt how to cry and since doing that, I don’t seem to stop. Then again – I am reminded that every time I open up a little more, a hole is dug and God plants a seed and the tears water it so that the message can grow and be shared.

Trinity ”Neo… nobody has ever done this before.”

Neo ”That’s why it’s going to work.”

Bollock ! Fuck ! Shit !

Generally, I think that I am a pretty decent guy. Well, to other people that is because I have been known to be pretty nasty to myself on more than one occassion and there was a time where I used to believe that people were just being nice when they were being nice to me. Anyway. That was then, and over the years, I have got to know myself and actually now enjoy my own company quite a bit. I have met some really awesome people lately who have really showed me so much about me, and at times, it has been pretty challenging to say the least. But I have come out of the other side with a renewed and deepend relationship with myself.

I guess you could say it is strange but I really like me now. I don’t feel that I have to hide away and be someone or something else anymore. I am not afraid to express myself or who I am, something that just the thought of used to terrify me. And I used to hide behind things in a way. So this stage of my life now has made me realise the biggest thing that I have been hiding behind would you fucking believe !

You could call it a bad habit I guess, but for me it never was. Like I said in my previous blog, smoking used to me something that was really mine – it was something I did for myself and for nobody else. It was a way of rebelling against things. Which is strange really because I am such a sucker for rules that even I drive myself insane sometimes. And it was something that used to, in my head at least, give me some sort of normality in the “male” world. So gradually as I released my need for approval from anybody, I began to live more in line with my values and beliefs – the most important of which are honesty and health !!!

And that was when something pretty mental started to happen in my head. As I started to accept and realise what I had in my life,I had a pretty cool realisation in my life and that was that nothing really mattered at all. Now that may sound strange for someone who has been working so pretty frikkin hard for a very long time, but yeah, nothing that we actually do in our lives really matters at all. There is no point to what we do and what results we get because at the end of the day, the only point that matters is the point that we give it ! See the point ?

Anyway, maybe it is withdrawal, I don’t actually know right now but as soon as it all makes sense, I might try and explain it properly. All I know is that I am still the rebel with a cause (just got to figure out my way of rebelling I guess you could say), I still need to take time out every now and then (and what get’s me now is that when I do go outside for a walk, I have “nothing” to do which is why I think I used to smoke – it gave me something to do on the time out’s) and it’s nearly 3 fucking days without a smoke mate, and that is pretty damn cool.

Today I have had 3 bottles of water, 3 cups of tea and a packet of japanese rice crackers so far. For the more spiritually inclined people who read this, I find that my energy centres / chakra’s are actually physically vibrating – when it first happened this morning on the tube, I thought that I had my phone in my pocket and it was going off. I guess you could say it is like getting these pleasurable little electric shocks every now and then. At the moment, I am finding it difficult to concentrate and am all over the place which is pretty challenging whilst sitting in an open plan office – fuck me, it is like I have done too much coke and am buzzing right now !!!! Have you watch Over The Hedge when Hammy drinks the energy drink – that is what I feel like !

So what next ? I don’t fucking know. All I know is that right now, I am just going through it. I am still very sore physically but at least I can eat and drink today, so that is cool. My whole body is quite stiff and I am pretty tired – I woke up at 1:30 this morning thinking I had been sleeping all damn night and then just tossed and turned before falling into the strangest dream ridden sleep ! I will keep you updated !

Be The Change You Want To See In This World

– Mahatma Gandhi

So yeah, I decided that, as I work with people and help them change their lives, based on what I have done so far, I asked myself how I could push myself to the next level and take yet big small step in my life.

I know that what I have done in my life works, and it works pretty frikkin well. I know what it is like to drastically change careers and lifestyles, I know how to basically re-invent your life from nothing. I have given up almost a lifetime of drugs in many different forms and self harming on all levels (physical, mental and emotional) is a fragment of a previous life. My health has radically changed, as have my eating habits and lifestyle and for almost 8 years now, I have learnt to live with severe bipolar depression without medication of any type. I know what it is like to follow your passion and do what you believe in despite what other people may, or may not, say and most importantly I believe that if I want to make a difference in other people’s lives, I have to start with my own.

So I was in a bit of a predicament to be honest with you, having realised what I had achieved. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being truly free on all levels – and for those that know me, they will understand this. Almost 10 years ago, I set myself a 10-day challenge, whereby I wanted to be able to get through 10 days feeling relatively “normal” and not having constant internal battles, outbreaks at myself, no drugs, no shit generally. I undertook this on my own at that time, and let me tell you, it was only 3 years later that I managed to get through my first 10 days. One by one, I began mastering each particular challenge of mine, and I got to the place where I am today which, to be fucking honest with you, has surpassed anything I could ever have dreamt of and I now truly believe that I can achieve anything I set my mind to, as long as it is in line with my purpose and desire in life.

And there I was. Ready to take the next step and I began thinking. My business partner and I are about to launch Ego Invenio – our amazing experiential program that is frikkin awesome. Having both achieved our levels of mastery in our specific areas of expertise, we are deeply passionate about what we do for one reason. We know it works because we have tested it and tested it and tested it, over and over again on ourselves. We have the results in our lives that we know will change your life.

So I decided to set myself a challenge. Based on our unique 9-step program, amongst other things that we do, I am about to go outside and smoke my last cigarette – something that I have been doing for almost 25 years now. Over the years, I have given up drinking almost 2 bottles of vodka a day, I have given up cocaine and taking almost 50 painkillers a day, I have gone from starving myself for days on end to a healthy diet and actually gaining and keeping weight for the first time in my life, so to say that I know a little bit about working with addicts is something pretty accurate. Yet this final addiction of mine has been challenging me somewhat, until now.

Honesty is a huge value of mine, and for me to go out there and do what I want to do, I need to be our message. I need to be the change that I wish for people in their lives so this is my next challenge.

I will keep you update of the progress, and at the same time, be sure to follow us on Facebook as we prepare for our launch very shortly. We have some amazing stuff lined up and we know that you are all very excited. Ego Invenio looks set to be an amazing life changing experience and yeah, to know that in a few minutes, I am going to be taking on my final “test” to see that everything works is pretty cool !!!

Over the last few years, having previously lived my life with the belief that you get what is set for you when you are born, I have become a firm believer in the fact that you create your own destiny. I read a book some time ago called “The Luck Factor” by Dr. Richard Wiseman, that had particular influence  on the way I began to create my outcomes. Combined with learning’s that I got from many other books, I began to do some pretty cool shit so I thought that today, I would share a few simple things that you can do which will have a huge impact on the results you get.

1.    Before you begin a journey, it is always a great idea to get some idea of where you would like to go. Brainstorm or draw up a mind map of what you want in all areas of your life. This gives you something on which to focus, and the more you focus on it and refine it, the clearer you become on your intentions for you life.

2.    One of the greatest things that we can build our lives on is a solid foundation – a healthy mind, body and soul. Daily meditation is one of the simplest and easiest things that we can do. It helps us to quieten our thoughts and focus just on ourselves. Make it a habit to do this twice a day – morning and night. Use this time to let everything go and before you do it, take a look at your mind map of the journey you want to take. This plants the seeds deep in your mind and it is in the moments of silence that we receive huge clarity.

3.    Having a healthy and quiet mind is one thing, but being physically healthy is something else equally as important. Start by doing some sort of detox or cleanse to rid your body of “stuff” you have been carrying around with you. Why start a journey with bad luggage you could say. Exercise regularly and employ good eating habits.

4.    Deepak Chopra says something along the lines of “everything is unknown because we are constantly creating in our lives.” It is not positive thinking alone that “makes” the universe create your every desire, but creative thinking that truly opens up all possibilities.

5.    It is your intention and what you pay attention to that gives you your life. When you put your attention on negative past feelings and beliefs, no matter how hard you try, you will keep experiencing  them. Think about how many crap movies you have watched in your life – have you let those influence the movies you choose to watch and enjoy now, or did you just laugh and forget about the?

6.    Whenever you feel any kind of dis-ease (anger, jealousy, sadness, fear, etc.), stop and acknowledge the feeling for what it is without creating a story about it. Then keep your attention on the restriction that is has on you and just breathe into it. Just breathing and being with the feeling allows it to complete itself for you to get what you need to get – this is a natural law in that what we resist, persists, yet when we allow the feeling its place, it can complete the cycle.

7.    Create a “Board of Directors” for your life, and “consult” them whenever you want to. Tap into the universal abundance of thought and creativity. Some of my “Board Members” are Jesus, Richard Branson, Lance Armstrong, Madonna and Adam Lambert. When I am faced with decisions or choices, I meditate and sit down with them and ask them what they would do and it is amazing what happens when you listen to your heart from a genuinely quiet place.

8.    ALWAYS start and finish your day with a does of gratitude. This makes you realise how much you have and keeps you in a state of centered awareness. Intention is so much more powerful when it comes from a place of gratitude and peace rather than from lack or need. It all gives you strength and faith to not be influenced by other people’s doubt or criticisms, because your higher self knows that everything is and will be alright, even without knowing the details of what is going to happen.

9.    Before you go to sleep at night, take a few minutes to replay the events of the day gone by, kind of like a movie in your mind, and just like the movies you watched in the past, keep the pieces that you need to keep and trash the rest. You know the journey your are undertaking, and this increases awareness of how you are actually being in the world and alerts you to any changes or distinctions you may want to make.

Always remember that you are special, believe in yourself and go out into the world and pursue your dreams. Hopefully these steps will guides toward creating whatever it is what you choose.

Amazingly enough (or considering we create whatever happens to us) a close friend (let’s call him Yogi Bear for now) came to me while I was writing this and shared about something he watched. I listened in silent gratitude and after watching it, thought that it was an amazing way to end of this post. Madonna is, and always has been, a huge influence in my life. Never one to be ashamed of completely reinventing her life, her work gave me the courage to be the authentic person I always wanted to be.

I came across this song today that made me reflect on the journey of a dream, and whilst watching it, was startled by how so many things deeply personal to me were in one place at one time, being performed by someone hugely influential in my life for standing up and being who he is and sharing his message.

These quotes have been taken from the spoken pieces throughout the video but echo my thoughts, hence my desire to share them with you.

“There’s so many moments you could share with anyone, someone, and you feel like that moment would just last forever, when it’s only a night, it’s only a moment.”

“Fate has its tricky ways of throwing something in front of you you’ve never expected.”

“My philosophy in life is don’t regret anything you do, coz in the end, it makes you who you are.”

Many years ago, a dream was born deep down inside my heart, and it is one that I have been working towards now for some time. When I first began thinking about it and working on it, it scared me a bit, but deep down inside, it made me work hard. It made me learn things and teach myself things, it kept me going when I did not think that I had the strength to continue, but most of all, it was my “why” in the grand scheme of things.

You see, to me anyway, faith is important. Faith in something is my fundamental reason for being where I am today. I don’t care what people believe in, what God they follow or how they choose to live their lives – when they ask me what my difference that makes a difference is, it always comes back to that same thing – faith.

Faith is taking action when the impossible seems overwhelming. It is pushing yourself beyond those limits inside your mind, taking you to places that you never before comprehended. It is about taking those small steps that give you the strength, conviction and courage to make the big steps and sometimes even those big leaps you need to take. Faith connects you up with amazing people who help you fly across and through those barriers that you sometimes just can’t seem to get through on your own, and it is what gets the ideas out of your heart and out to the world, helping you to follow your why in life.

Anyway, back to the big dream.

“I just wish there was no such thing as fighting. That the world could be like, just perfect in every way, that we could get along. But obviously that can’t happen.”

Or could it? Maybe it’s time we changed that !

There are lights and music. There is excitement in the air – you know that tingle that you feel when something special is about to happen. There are people – young and old, boys and girls, brothers and sisters, friends and family, every single type of person you could imagine – all there together for one reason alone.

• To go on a journey.
• A journey of self discovery.
• Together. As one community, united to making a change in the way the world works and thinks.
• Coming in as one person and leaving totally turned inside out.
• Experiencing something life changing in an amazing way.

It’s in a stadium and there are 1000’s upon 1000’s of people. 100,000 people to be exact. There is music and dancing and singing and above all else, there is a message and a story.

That no matter what life serves up on your plate; it is what you do with it that actually counts. It is how you choose to show up every day in your life, no matter what the fuck you want to do. Oh yes, and every now and then, there are a few words that do come out, as you may well know by now. It is about not being afraid to be the real you, the real person that you were put on this earth to be. A friend of mine has waited 7 years for his dream to come true, and seeing that being realised has made me even more excited for mine because I know that one day, it could happen.

This brought me back to my faith. It made me look back at all the steps that I have taken – alone and together with friends – over the last decade of my life. It made me realise and see that I was and am getting closer to the edge, where I know that I am going to have to take some of the biggest steps I have ever taken.

And that is what faith is all about. It’s about working that muscle day in and day out, making sure that you exercise it regularly – I do that through prayer and meditation, through reaching out to others and by sharing my message with the world. A muscle without exercise will only shrink and wither away and that is why you have to keep working at it.

How will you exercise that muscle today?

I just did.

“Everyone is just going crazy these days. It’s like the end of the world.”

“If you make a promise to yourself, you have to keep it, no matter what.”

“Some people believe in God, I believe in music. You know, some people pray, I turn up the radio.”

“Music makes the world go round, and for me, if it wasn’t around right now, I wouldn’t’ be around right now. Music is everything – to me. That’s all I can say.”

Again, thanks Mom !

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off to the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

SO . . .

Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don’t.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!

“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”
Mark Twain

I think that Mr. Twain was a pretty wise dude you know. He said some really cool things and this, by far, is one of my favorite sayings and one that I truly make every effort to live my life by.

I am by no means a person who believes in selfconfidence, and in my opinion, I don’t think that there is such a thing – kind of conentious (sp) one might say. But what I do believe in, and if you are a follower of my blogs I kind of touched on this in my last posting, is self assurance – which I think is a very big difference.

You see, at the end of the day, the only opinion that really counts in my life of myself is mine. Selfish as that might sound, I guess you could say it opens up the possibilities to appreciating everybody in my life that much more, because they have every right to their own opinions, their own feeling and their own actions. I can’t change them but I can accept them as they are, which make you all very special in my life because each and every one of you that live my life with me play an integral part in who I am today. Without knowing you, or meeting you and speaking to you, there is no way I could have ever accepted myself for who I am every single day.

I love to sing – a lot !! And I love to dance – even more. And I believe that I can make my own heaven each and every day of my life (why should I wait until I am dead to get there when I can choose it every day?) So I thought – what is something simple and small that would scare me a lot and really push my buttons? And I came up with it. Me, singing for every one to see, on camera – captured for all eternity, or for as long as I choose it to be public knowledge.

So today, I did just that. I sang like nobody was listening and I danced liked nobody was watching. And why? Just because I could and just because I thought it would be something crazy and fun to do. Some people will like it, some people will laugh and some people will think it is just plain silly. But it was a lot of fun and the words were pretty cool too !

Today, why don’t you do something small that really pushes your buttons. Don’t worry what anyone else thinks – just get out there and be yourself. It frikkin rocks man !!!

I was talking with my “brother” the other day and reflecting on life and everything else that goes with it and he said something to me that made me think. He said “you learn lessons so hard and so fast that I find I learn a lot from just being around you” and so based on that, I thought I would share with you the TOP 4 Lessons I have learnt this month.

• My opinion of myself is the ONLY ONE that really matters

No matter how many times people tell you things about yourself – unless you truly believe it in your heart and accept it and own it as your own – there is no way that you will ever believe it. I used to listen to people tell me things about myself, I would say thank you, yet in my head, it was not making sense. I would then get upset when people said other things about me, sometimes even the same people who passed compliments in the past. So therefore, I contsantly fought with myself and all these conflicting things that were being said.

I can only see the world as I know it – nothing else is ever going to change that, and therefore, I can only see myself as I know myself. Like my own, people’s opinions are ALWAYS changing – things happen, things influence our beliefs and values and decisions and opinions change. But when I am sure of who I am and own who I am, and I live my life in accordance with my beliefs and values, then really, it is only my opinion of myself that matters. If I see a trend of people getting upset with me, I can take a look at myself and see why I am creating that and if there is anything I need to change. If there isn’t and I am happy with myself, then why the frikkin hell should I let other people’s opinions of me upset me.

And if I live my life influenced by everybody else’s ever changing opinions (just like mine) then how I can I be the authentic person I strive to be because you know what, there are 6 billion people in the world and there is no way I am ever going to please all of them, so I may as well start off by making sure I am happy with myself and not let other people influence who I am or how I react or live my life.

• When you speak openly and honestly from the heart, people listen and take inspired action

There was a time in my life when all I could do was talk the biggest load of crap there ever was, and then I used to wonder why people did not take any notice of me. Imagine for a minute, if you would, that you could only speak (say) 500 words a day and that was it. What would you say and how would you use those words ? Would you make the most of them and make sure you spoke your honest truth and message or would you just waste them with nonsense ? There is so much going on in the world that we are conditioned to “listen” to every day that it is no wonder so few voices are truly heard.

A few people asked me recently about a detox / cleanse that I did a while back, and I spoke about what it did for me, based on my true life fact and from the heart, because it made a huge impact on my life. A little while later, quite a few people took action and decided to have a go for themselves. It was pretty humbling to know that my words could inspire someone to take action and was a good learning for me.

• It’s OK to let go of stuff

When I got out of hospital many years ago (November 2002) I met a young student priest, who was very very open minded. He helped me a great deal, considering that I had been in hospital as a result of trying to take my own life (again) and I was pretty feckin lost – I was angry and I hated myself for what I had put my family through and I did not see the point of carrying on. After spending 3 full and intense days with him, and having some pretty profound breakthroughs back then, he gave me a parting gift that I have carried with me EVERY SINGLE DAY since then – his rosary (who I called Lordy.) Now those of you that really know me will know how important my own personal faith is in my life, and Lordy has helped me through some pretty tough shit. He has always been there as a reminder that somebody greater than myself believed in me enough to give me a fourth or fifth chance !

We went swimming one night when I was in Portugal, and I put Lordy down on my towel. It was quite late and the tide was coming in, so I ran to move my towel, carefully picking it up. We then went back into the sea and carried on swimming and chatting. I then go out and went to dry myself, and noticed that Lordy was not there. Now let me explain – there have been times in the past when I have driven to work, realised that I had left Lordy at home and turned around to go and collect Him – that is the importance he held in my heart, and one day soon, I know you will understand this more. Anyway, instead of the insane panic that would normally overcome me, all that was there was an overwhelming sense of peace and calm. In my heart, I knew that it was OK to just let go and have faith. How many times in the past did I fight and push myself through stuff, when had I just embraced it and accepted things and just let go, it would have been so much more liberating. I turned and hugged my “brother” knowing that letting go is the most exciting thing we can ever do in our lives. Why hold on to stuff that keeps one foot trapped in the past when all we have to do is let it go?

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Something like this used to terrify me – I guess because my opinion of myself was not that great, I was too afraid to speak openly from the heart and therefore, I was hanging on to shit from the past !!! But when I realised that I was sure of who I was and what I wanted, that my opinion mattered and if I let go of my shit and spoke openly from my heart, it was OK to ask for help. I did and the answers I got blew me away !

My Mom has the most amazing intuition in the world – a gift I clearly now realise that I got from her. Due to the distance apart that we are, and that fact that phone systems in Zimbabwe are pretty messed up, I don’t get to speak to her much, but she knows just when to send the right type of mail across the world to me.

As you may know from my previous post, some pretty big shit has shifted in my head, and I have had a few days of rather intense and vivid dreams, as well as some very “unrestful” sleep – in fact, A LOT of unrestful sleep. My body is physically drained yet my mind is raring to go, possibly explaining all the dreams. I am going with the flow of it all and taking things one day at a time at the moment. I am putting plans in place and taking steps towards creating the dream that I once thought was just that – a dream. And then there are some areas that are not without their challenges, and those I am working in too. It is very difficult when other people’s emotions are involved, and all I can do is be me, open and honest about everything I guess.

So this came from my Mom at exactly the right time. It summed up a lot of what has happened over the last 2 years of intense work on myself, and you know what, I have (as have you) probably read it in the past, but this time it really sunk in and I feel obligated to share it with you all.

Maybe…
we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that,
when we finally meet the right person,
we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe…
it is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it,
but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe…
the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
after all, you can’t go on successfully in life
until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe…
you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe…
the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe…
the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe…
happiness waits for all those who cry,
all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried,
for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe…
you should do something nice for someone every single day,
even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe…
giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back.
Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart;
but, if it doesn’t, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe…
you should dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go,  be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of,
and want to do.

Life is only travelled ONCE;
Today’s MOMENT becomes Tomorrow’s MEMORY.
Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the GIFT of LIFE… is LIFE itself…

EGO INVENIO my friends ! The journey to the heart of knowing yourself is one of the MOST rewarding journeys you will ever undertake. By no means the easiest, but by all means the most rewarding.