I love Quantum Physics, I really do. Dont ask me to explain it to you in any way because I will admit to you that, as much as I would like to, I just am not sure how I would in a way that makes any sense. Having a mind that is extremely open (not that years and years of drug abuse had much to do with it) and one that is capable of thinking of about 17.5 different things at once, Quantum Physics was one of those things that challenged and awakened my mind.

When I was young, I used to dream of a place and a time when things would be safe, when people would not hurt you all the time and a world where people could just be themselves – they did not have to be afraid and pretend to be something else just to make everyone happy. I used to dream that I was a space man or a dancer, totally free and quiet if that makes any sense. I think I was about 14 years old when I lost all faith in my life and for the next however many years it was, I entered a really dark place on many levels, but probably the biggest one for me was the spiritual emptiness. I lost faith in a greater power, I lost faith in the universe and life just became something that you did.

Only when everything was gone from my life did I realise that it was time I actually had to find something to keep me going. Everything that I had previously lived for, my reasons (or so I thought) for being, were gone, I was completely alone and lost, not knowing what to do. I met an older man – let’s call him Doc. I lived at Doc’s house for about 2 and a half years after I lost everything, and it was here that my journey into Quantum Physics, and everything that it involved, began. He taught me many things and opened my mind a lot. He taught me to believe in anything and nothing both at the same time. He taught me that everything in my life was created by me, nobody else but me – and trust me, that was a fucking hard pill to swallow. But probably the biggest and most life changing lesson that he ever taught me was to never stop believing in the infinite power that was my inner strength. You know that inner strength that I am talking about, right ? Yeah, that’s the one that I am talking about !

You and I both have an amazing strength inside of us, something that we do not even fully comprehend – kind of like the tip of an iceberg really. Sometimes, I get frustrated at myself when I think about it. And the thing that frustrates me is myself, because I know that I am the only one holding myself back. I know there are big things that I want to do out there and because I am afraid of things, I hold myself back.

I was watching YouTube the other day and I came across this video clip. In a simple way, for me anyway, it explains Quantum Physics and how you can be in 2 or 3 or 4 places at once, and how you can create an amazing reality at the same time, all on your own. Like I said, I am not the best explainer of things, but hey, someone might understand it and that is what counts.

Enjoy the clip and why not actually listen to the words while thinking about how you are going to create that amazing reality for yourself !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIoSTbPt_PI

It has been a challenging few days I am not ashamed to say, and a few times in the last week or so I have come pretty close to just running straight back to everything that I was used to in my life. And then a strange thing happened I guess. Over the course of a few days, I made a decision that I was going to do things very differently even though they did not feel right. Yesterday, for the first time this year you could say, I began to notice a distinct difference in my own life.

Suddenly, the cravings to smoke were not as bad – even though they are still there. I am finding that I am beginning to taste things for the first time ever. What I thought tomatoes tasted like is apparently nothing like what they taste now – and the same applies to olives, red peppers and beetroot would you believe. It is kind of exciting, but somewhat strange as well to be learning new tastes all over again. As you also know, I embarked on a pretty radical change in exercise as well – that is, going from doing sweet fuck all to training for at least an hour every day. As a result, my body kind of gave it a fingers up and decided that it was going to take over. I guess you could say that a breakdown of sorts followed over the course of the next few days – frustration, anger, confusion, sadness and so it was – all these emotions just coming down at once. I am not proud to say but yeah, I fucked up a bit in certain areas of my life and for the first time in almost 7 years, found myself with something sharp to hand. It was then that I realised that there were a few things that I needed to do ! 1) Take a break ! 2) Allow myself to honestly and openly express my feelings 3) Take stock of how far I had already actually come in such a short period and 4) Take a break !!!

So I did ! I have given myself some time off, I have given it all up to the universe and I have decided to catch a different train. And you know what. Today, I (OK, yes, I admire myself in the mirror) was getting dressed and noticed a difference in the way my body looked. My skin looked somewhat different and my eyes did not look so tired. But most of all, there was a rather slight difference to the shape of my chest. Now I must tell you, I have always been pretty skinny throughout my life, so for me to notice a difference, there has to be one ! It was pretty cool and it kind of gave me the feeling that all the pain and stress of the last few weeks had been worth something. Yeah, I wont lie – I am still getting used to a hugely different way of life, my body is still aching and my mind is all over the place but it is nothing like that which I was ever used to.

And I got a message on facebook from one of the groups I am a member of with a poem that summed it all up for me so I thought to close this one off, it would be cool to share it with you ! Enjoy !!

MY COMFORT ZONE
By Author Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much.
I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!

I don’t know if you ever watched the movie Sliding Doors where a woman called Helen (if I remember right) both catches and misses a train? Now I am a pretty simple guy, however, I do have an extremely open mind and have always made a lot of effort to understand things and to learn more and more all the time, and one of the things that interests me intensly, and at the same time, confuses the shit out of me, is Quantum Physics.

To some people, the very mention of those 2 words is more than enough and to others, it causes a lot of excitement. Sliding Doors was a pretty cool way that introduced this theory to a lot of people – what would happen if 2 things could happen at once (MWI or Many Worlds Interpretation in the quantum world)

As you know, I have been going through some stuff myself and today it culminated in a bit of – OK, not a bit, quite a lot in fact – frustration, confusion and anger. As I mentioned, I am passionate about change, especially massive change in case you hadn’t noticed – it is an area I focus on and work on a lot with people, so therefore, I feel it only fair that I myself put these principles into practice. Some people agree with it and others don’t – in fact, some of the feedback has been pretty interesting and makes me wonder how dedicated to change some people are.

Anyway, after an extremely internally frustrating day, I had a nightmare of a tube trip home this evening and at one station, waited for 3 or 4 trains before I could even get on. I was standing there, imagining where the people who got on before me were at now. And then it went on to wondering what would have happened if I had got on, so you can see how I got to thinking about the movie, right ? And as always, it got me to thinking about how it applies to the situation I am in. For some reason, the universe, in my frustration and confusion, had brought me to this time and place with these thoughts and feelings – or in a holographic universe, I had created it all for myself to get my learnings. After all, every thing we need is right inside us now, isn’t it ?

What would happen, if tomorrow when I got out of bed, things were the way I wanted them or things were as I would like them to be? How would that life be? What would I feel? What would I do? How would I interact with people and how would the way I have been feeling up until now be totally different? I don’t know how the fuck I am supposed to be feeling because I am doing something I have never done before, so for all I know, this could be how you are meant to feel.

Clearly, the “train” I caught many years ago has brought me to where I am right this minute. Tonight, I am going to remember everything I have learnt on that train trip because it has developed a pretty frikking amazing guy, one with a character that I am very proud of and one who makes you realise what you can actually do when you put your mind to it.

Tomorrow, I am going to get off the “train” that I could have caught that would have helped me learn the other lessons of being a healthier guy. And when I get off that “train” and the wave particles collide with the wave particles of the awesome guy that was on the other train, it’s going to be pretty cool. Kind of like the battle of Neo and Agent Smith in the last Matrix movie, you know the one where Neo realises that Agent Smith was and is a part of him and they collide in that wicked scene. I think that is what is going on right now. We are facing each other up, the trains are coming into the station and it’s all been given up to the universe – what will be, will be and that is all that matters really.

It’s OK to feel emotions and it’s OK to express them. It’s OK to be vulnerable and feel extremely confused and frustrated and frightened at times. Because you are always on another train, somewhere else anyway, and in that place, you are safe and growing in other ways. And when it gets too much to handle, feel free to get off the other train and it will be OK. It may sound like I have lost the plot but then again, you may know exactly what I am talking about. I am just being honest anyway, because after all, that’s all I can do. When you are as dedicated to change as I am, which I know that you are on some level, you will know exactly what I mean.Which train are you getting off ?

You  know what mate, I have just decided, or should I be more honest with you – I have been thinking about it for a few days now ! This whole change shit has been getting to me, so much so that I found myself wondering about that old saying – if you want something you have never had before, you have got to do something you have never done before – or something along those lines and I know you know the one I am saying, right ? Right !

Anyway, it’s been just over a week since I started doing what I think a healthy person would do and I must say, there has been a considerable amount of pain involved on all levels – I aint going into that again, but it has not been that much fun so far. I think, no wait – I KNOW – I have been a right miserable “word-that-can’t-be-said-here” and that is when that saying came to my mind. If not doing those unhealthy things is going to make me feel like this, then why should I even bother !!!

So again, I spoke up about what I was going through to people who I know to be extremely healthy and who takes this aspect of their lives very seriously. Having change literally everything in my health area, my body was and is indeed in a little bit of shock – toxins that have been flooding through it for many years were being forced out by stuff that is healthy that was being forced in, and on top of this, exercise was now a regular thing – one day off so far and still going. However, this did not (to me anyway) explain some of the emotional, mental and spiritual stuff that I was going through, so this evening at a discussion group, I brought it up as it has been pretty challenging, and that was when it hit me.

All I needed to do was just give up ! Simple as a piece of pie – and I know some people like pie !! I had been working myself so hard and pushing myself so hard, or so I thought I had been, when giving up was going to be the easiest way out. There would be no more pain. There would be no more suffering as I was doing OK before, so why had I not done it this far.

Now I don’t know what your spiritual belief is but I know what mine is – it’s pretty weird to say the least but me and my Big Guy have an understanding. The universe has done some pretty intense things in my life, and by all counts, I should not be here today. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it what you want but I am around and because I am so passionate about helping people with change, I tend to put myself through some pretty hefty challenges and finally I had come across one that I just can’t do anymore, so you know what, I have given it up ! That’s right ! It’s out of my hands now and it’s gone upstairs to whoever and whatever deals with it in the universe. I officially surrender and admit that I can’t do this on my own anymore, something I think some of us find pretty difficult to do and I know that I do !

I never realised before that giving up could be so different. Before it meant failure and bowing your head in shame. This time it means something totally different. Giving up means doing something different. It may seem painful at first, but sooner or later it WILL be OK and it WILL be different. I can’t fight it and I can’t run away with it, but when I give it up, I can accept it and work with it, I can feel it and use it and do what I want with it knowing that I have let that old crap go now and can move forward with the new stuff. Pretty cool huh !!!

Are you at the point where you know you need to give up on something ? Let it go and know that you have done just that, given it up and it’s gone ! I did and it fucking rocks right now ! Who knows what tomorrow is going to bring – I have a session and a run in the evening with the honest personal trainer, and he is going through some tough shit of his own right now – maybe I can point him to this blurb and he could trying giving up too ;o)

I tell you what mate, I almost frikkin gave up this week with this whole being a healthier person and combined with this whole asking for help shit I have also been working on, I was actually, in fact probably, not the nicest person to be around Thursday and Friday. I am going to try and keep this short and to the point, but then again, what would the point be of that because I wouldn’t be able to tell you what’s been going on, so what you read is what you read !

Having done my whole MCG (My Coach Guy in 5 minutes) process about what I wanted to do, I woke up this last Monday morning as a “healthy person” ready to tackle whatever came my way. In my own true fashion, I decided to not only change one or 2 things, I was going to change my whole way of life in this area because clearly, doing what I have done so far has got me the results that I had so it probably was not the best. In a nutshell, I have stopped smoking (been smoking 20 to 30 cigarettes a day for almost 24 years now), I have started eating regularly and properly for the first time that I can actually remember, and I have been exercising every day getting ready for the London Marathon in April and our calendar shoot as well and for those of you that know me, I can be a lazy bastard most of the time !

So yeah, literally over night I changed every single aspect of the way that I lived my life and my body, mind and soul went into a bit of shock. Going to be at a decent time, I have had a few very restless nights and some pretty weird and intense dreams. Eating regularly has had its challenges because my body found some interesting ways of dealing with it – as I said, I am always going to be honest with you so be prepared. Having to go to the toilet regularly is something that I am finding VERY strange – you may think it’s weird but hey, I think the last time I ate more than 2 meals, let alone 1 meal a day, was probably when I was still at school and that was some time ago, so finding myself going to the toilet twice a day has given me some food for thought on a few things that I have been putting myself through. Oh and by the way, this change in eating habits has included cooking fresh food for myself as well, rather than eating processed microwave meals and toast !  My morning routine used to consist of getting out of the house as soon as possible so that I could smoke – yup, that’s right, nothing better than a cigarette for breakfast I used to say, so to find myself walking outside with nothing to do was fun ! The first day or so of going through withdrawal was OK – I could manage it. However, having been through this whole withdrawal shit before, I was literally shitting myself (well twice a day anyway – you see, I told you!) By the third day, it was at the point that my body was now taking a little bit of strain because I had also now had a few sessions at the gym – one of which was with a personal trainer who was kind and the other times, with a personal trainer who was honest !

My body was doing things that, in the 36 years that it has been on this planet, it has never done before.  I was doing things that, in every single fucking aspect, I had to ask for help because I did not know what to do. I mean, I don’t know how to eat healthy. I don’t know what a balanced diet is – yes, I can read the stuff and see the stuff, it still makes a difference to actually sit down and do it – think about it ! Change is always stressful, no matter how you go about it or what you do – and yes, it takes on whatever meaning stress is to us and you know what I am saying. Smoking used to be my way of having time out to think, time out to process but now that was gone too.

These strategies that I am talking about have been with me my entire life, so now, I was doing things different. I woke up on Thursday morning in complete and utter pain – I could hardly move my arms and legs, I had to get my arse to the toilet and my mind was spinning from whatever it was that I had been dreaming about. And I still had to get to the gym before work – oh yes, that’s another thing ! I started a new job this year in a completely different industry and job to that which I have ever worked in. My entire life, I have worked as a Quantity Surveryor, dealing with all that kind of stuff, so starting a new year in a new profession and career was something else that I had decided to do.

So yeah, there I was, doing some leg exercise (I don’t know the technical names) with my honest personal trainer and very close friend, when it all of a sudden hit my in the eye ! I have changed so much of my life in the last 3 years that there are times when I barely recognise who I was – it is like a distant memory and for the first time in my life, 2009 was the culmination of all of that. This is me and this is who I am and here I was, sitting doing some strange thing that I had no idea about. Who was I kidding I began to ask myself? In fact, even worse, who did I think I was to be doing this kind of stuff? Just be grateful for what you already have done – so many people struggle to change one or 2 things, how can you be so selfish and want to change every single thing? I think that it was physically noticeable by the people around me the next 2 days that I was going through some “stuff” and having already been “forced” to ask for help in so many areas, I chose to work on this by myself.

Even now as I am writing this, the tears just well up ! It is so true what they say when they say that change is never easy and don’t be too hard on yourself, but I challenge you to find a person that does not go hard on themselves. For so long, I worked on myself to get a better life, and you know what, using My Coach Guy and all that it holds true and dear, I changed my life guys, more than I can explain, so to be working this hard on myself again, part of me was and still is extremely excited because I know that it works and I know that it will work for anybody who wants to be whoever they want to be. But part of me was struggling so hard. Physically, there was pain. Mentally and emotionally, there was pain but thank My God, spiritually, something kept me going, Something deep down inside knew that, again, these were, and are, just birthing pains.

It got to the point where, having been through a day filled with so much new information from everywhere, I just wanted to resort to old coping strategies just to have a break. I wanted to talk about it but I did not quite know what and how to say the things that were going on in my head because I mean, most people eat regularly, most people do have some sort of normality in this area of their life, but I used to have a TOTAL disregard for my own health if I am to be honest with you. The body is an amazing machine that does some mind blowing things, and here we are, treating it the way that we do so it was no wonder that things were going “what the fuck!!!!!” you know?

So I tried something new. I sent a text saying things as best as I could, I had a phone call that helped me get some stuff off my chest and all the more importantly, I was honest no matter how stupid I thought it was going to sound. And then I sat down to start sharing it with you guys – my friends and the people that take the time to read about our lives together and it dawned on me. If the things that I know and have used on myself have changed my life so drastically up until now, then I know that when I apply My Coach Guy to this area of my life, my biggest personal challenge, then it has the potential to revolutionise my world and how I truly live my life. But you know what, more importantly, it has the potential to change your life now, it has the potential to reach out and touch people in whatever way it does. My Coach Guy works and I am living proof in my own life that it does, and you are reading about it all as we go along.

M C G – Meaning, Clarity and Commitment, Get Ready and GO !! I know why I am being a healthy person, I know why I want to do this in 2010 and beyond, and if it means that I have to learn to walk again, then so be it. If it means that I will have the energy and love for myself to be a better father to my children, then I would go to the end of the earth and back for it. If it means that I am going to have some pain, I am sure that I can handle it – after all, many years of self harming has taught me a thing or 2 about pain I tell you ! And if it means that I feel like I know nothing right now, then who gives a shit – I know that I have people who can and are helping me, my honest personal trainer and my family and friends – you know who you are. But more importantly, if it means that just one of you reading this now takes action and does one thing different today – you don’t have to be a crazy fool like me and do everything differently – then fucking hell, that’s what it’s all about mate !

I looked back on 2009 recently, wondering what I had actually done with my life. At the start of that year, I had so many goals and things that I wanted to achieve, and I found myself in a place wondering if I had actually got anywhere. It was pretty frustrating, given that in the past I have achieved some pretty incredible things to me. Why ? Why had I supposedly failed to get the things that, at that time, seemed rather significant to me – I mean, they must have been otherwise I would not have spent time and energy working on them, would I ?

So now, as 2010 dawned, I found myself rather nervous in fact, to plan my year. It was then that I decided that this was going to be the year of just doing things. I was not going to set myself resolutions and goals and that kind of stuff, I was just going to go out there and do stuff. That kind of got me inspired to take further action and as the days have unfolded, I am now beginning to get that excited feeling deep down inside, somehow knowing that something has changed within me. It’s pretty cool and I am sure you know exactly what I am feeling, right ?

I therefore have now completed by Top 10 for 2010 and thought that I would share them with you. I have used the My Coach Guy process in each one of these, and knowing that I have set about beginning the process in the right way, I could be on to a winner of a year !

1.       In 2010, I am going to be everything I am passionate about

I have spent the last couple of years really finding myself – I have done a lot of soul searching and self discover and at times, it has been extremely painful, to the point where I felt, sometimes, that I could not really go on because it was “too sore” however, I kept working and finding out who I really was and in this regard, 2009 proved to be a year where many things from the last decade made so much sense in my life. I truly accepted, deep down inside of me, who I am and all that I could be – let me tell you, it has been one of the most liberating things I have ever done. Some people like who I am and others don’t and wont, but you know what, this is me and this is who I am and for once this “life” fits me OK !

I will be the first one to put my hand up and say that I have not been the best dad or husband to my family. Thanks to me being wherever it was that I was, I put them through a few things that nobody should ever go through. My poor kids saw a nasty, sick man sometimes and as for my ex-wife, herself an amazing person, I truly am ashamed of the things she saw towards the end of our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we had some of the most amazing years of my life and I am truly blessed to have shared what we shared together – I would not change it for the world. However, because I could not be honest with myself more than anything else, I really hurt them. My beliefs that I grew up with meant that I thought that you did not need a father, or you did not really need to be a dad and to a big degree, that followed me around. I also put my own family through some very tough times and I can only begin to imagine what it must have been for these guys to go through all of this.

This year, I am going to be me and that is that ! I am going to be the amazing dad that I know I can be, I am going to be the person who inspires others and who lives and breathes their values. I am going to the friend and partner and family member I would like to have in my life – supportive, encouraging, compassionate and loving, caring and kind, fun to be around but more importantly than anything else, I am going to be honest about me and all that I do. As I said, some people may like this and others may not, and this will not bother me like it did for so many years. 2010 will be about being the real me !

2.       In 2010 I am going to have fun

Wow ! This, personally, I find a little challenging. It is a common thing to find with recovering addicts or people who have come through some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder or depression, that they often swap that addiction over to something else that at first appears to be helpful rather than harmful. I did this and can honestly say that that addiction was turned to work and learning and everything that it encompassed. At the time, I did not realise how hard I was working and pushing myself and it was only when I was at the point of complete collapse that I realised what had happened. Something inside of me finally woke up and saw a few things.

I was so focused on learning and working that I had forgotten to see how far I had actually come, and in the process, everything was about “work” in one way or another. If it was not at the office, it would be at home and I would always have to be doing something to “work on my goals” or “work on my projects” or “read to learn” and so on – I think you get the picture. I had forgotten what it was like to have fun in my life. I was asked what I would do “to surprise myself” and you know what, I could actually not think what I would do ! And that was when I decided that this year I would have more fun and do simple things that bring a smile to my face, no matter what it was – from lying in bed late on the weekend to going for a walk with friends, just for the fun it. Basically, saying “fuck it, who gives a shit” and doing crazy shit ! That could sound strange to some people reading this now, but I know that you know what I am talking about. When was the last time you had genuine, actual good old fashioned fun ? In 2010 I will find out.

3.       In 2010 I am going to be healthy

On my list of values this year, Health comes first. If I cannot be healthy and take care of myself, then there is no way that I will ever be able to be the person I want to be or do the things I want to do. I am 36 years old now, my body has got some pretty insane reminders of the stuff that it has been through – scars on my arms and legs from self harming, a severe lack of energy thanks to years of smoking, messed up kidneys from drug and substance abuse, as well as having had 2 heart attacks in the last 10 years. I have to remind myself of these things because, like with my family beliefs, I had some pretty messed up ones to do with health. It also makes me realise how far I have actually come using the stuff that I know can help people, so in that respect, in encourages me to become healthier.

As you know from my previous blogs, I have taken on 2 challenges so far this year that will get me doing the things that health people do. I start gym on Tuesday with my first session with a personal trainer, and this morning I did my first training run for the London Marathon in April this year. I am also getting through a book that will help me with the smoking and for the first time, I can honestly say that I am looking forward to not being held captive by that. It’s strange to think that I managed to give up cocaine and painkillers and tranquillisers and the like, yet the smoking has really got me stumped. I look forward to having more energy that all this will bring, so yeah, 2010 is when I am going to do what the healthy people do in order to get healthier ! Any tips would be really appreciated as I know that I have a few challenges with eating and everything that that involves so it would be great if you could help out.

4.       In 2010 I am going to be financially free

I remember a family argument many years ago where, in my rage I said that “money was just paper, just like what you wipe your arse with!” and until a few months ago, I did not realise how deeply that was ingrained in me. I have been through times where money has been really freely flowing and I have been through times where money has been extremely short, but one thing that I have ALWAYS struggled with is money.

This year, I am going to create wealth in my life, whatever it is that that means to me. I am going to be able to treat my children without having to worry about things and I am going to create a really awesome relationship with my finances. Right now, it seems quite scary thanks to some of the things that are on my “shopping list,” but hey, if something doesn’t scare you and stretch you, then what is the point of doing it, right ? A really awesome friend of mine is going to be giving me some amazing advice and assistance in this area, the first time I am getting advice about things like this, so yeah, frikkin awesome mate, don’t you think. If you wanna find out more about what he does, take a look here – http://www.useplanb.co.uk/

5.       In 2010 I will learn to dance properly

I love music and everything that it brings to the world and I love dancing – you know that type of dancing where you just dance like nobody else is around ? Yup, that is what I am talking about. Many years ago, it seems like in another life, I used to dance with my sister and I think that we did OK. It is something that has always been close to my heart so this year, I have decided that I will be doing more of it. I am going to get some lessons and start doing the moves again ! I will keep you updated and it is going to be a lot of fun, doing something that makes me happy.

6.       In 2010 I will take a holiday

Holiday ? Me ? You have got to be crazy ! Would you believe it if I told you that I am not 100% sure when the last time was that I actually went on one of those holidays where you just do things that you would not normally do ? Well, it’s true ! Besides my honeymoon years ago, I do not remember when I last had a holiday, so this year, I am going to go on holiday. I do not know where I am going to go or what I am going to do, but I am going to visit other places. There is a whole world out there and I can’t wait to see it.

7.       In 2010 I will see my family

I miss my mom and my sister very much, in fact more than very much, I miss them a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I have some amazing friends here now and being close to my kids is something that brings me a lot of peace and contentment, but I still miss my family dearly as they are on the other side of the world. I last saw them over 2 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t think of them. This year, I will see my mom and my sister and it is going to be amazing.

8.       In 2010 I am going to write more

I love writing – in case you had not noticed. This year, rather than keeping it to myself, I am going to share it with people. Again, some of you might like it and others won’t, but if it helps a handful of people, then hey, what more could you ask for? I will blog more and I will finish at least 6 of the books that I started working on over the years. The more I read, the more I am beginning to realise that my “crazy ideas in my head and on my sheets of paper” are probably not that crazy after all and they will help people, so this year I am going to more of that.

9.       In 2010 I am going to eat my way around the world

Besides not having been on holiday for some time, I find the prospect of going and eating out something very challenging. I used to be very set in my ways and when it came to food, despite not being a fussy eater, I did not like eating stuff that I had not tried before – but this just boiled down to the fact that because I was not bothered to take care of myself, I was not really a very good eater at all. So this year, I am going to eat out more – I am going to experience all the different foods that are out there and yeah, I am going to eat my way around the world !

10.   In 2010 I will keep my room tidy

I am a typical boy when it comes to this. My mom always used to moan at me to tidy my room, and if the truth be told there have been times when I just throw my laundry on the floor and eventually run out of clothes because I have been too lazy to do the washing. It’s not great to admit these things but it’s the truth. Maybe it was the way that I was brought up or something but yeah, being tidy is something I find rather challenging and this year, I am just going to do the things that a tidy person does really.

So there is it ! My Top 10 for 2010 ! As I read back over it now, part of me thinks that it sounds like something a complete beginner would do, there are no challenges there and anybody could do those things. Yet the other part of me, the part that knows the truth knows that it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. I changed my life more than I ever believed possible using the My Coach Guy process and I think that is why I find myself going back to basics and it’s pretty cool.

I was so focused on the big things in my life that I did not actually realise that the reason I felt lost was because I had far surpassed anything I ever imagined having happen and for a few moments, it was really scary because I did not recognise it. When I sat down to gather my thoughts, I looked back for a minute and saw the journey that I had taken. I saw all the steps that I had taken and I saw all the challenges that I had not even realised I had overcome and you know what guys, it’s fucking amazing. To know that you have actually done everything you once thought was impossible is a pretty humbling experience. Yeah I may not have a huge massive mansion and property around the world, I may not drive the most expensive motor car or have the finest clothes, but you know what mate ? I am here and that is what counts ! I have a job with one of the most amazing companies in the world, I have friends like I have never had before, I am connected to my own personal God on a level deeper than I thought possible, and my kids and family know that I love them as do my friends. It is only when you are left with nothing that you realise that you have everything to live for. I was left with nothing once, thanks to my own doing, and back then, I could not even imagine being well enough to leave hospital or ever give up drugs or ever stop cutting myself. I thought that I would never see my children or ex-wife again and I honestly had no idea that my body would ever be able to run a marathon. So yeah, it’s pretty cool and that is why this year, I am just going to be doing stuff.

I have done all the hard work and I have the results to prove it. These steps are almost close to completion so you will be able to find out more about them pretty soon, but until then  here is my challenge to you.

What are you going to do this year that is going to make a significant difference in your life, so that when you get to the end of the year, or whenever it is for you, and you look back, you can be filled with pride at all that you did, not only in your life, but in the lives of those close to you ?

This year I am not making resolutions because I have found from my past experience that when I did, I was really only just setting myself up for a bit of disappointment as the year progressed. So as 2010 started, lying in bed I found myself thinking about what it was that I wanted to achieve during the year, and as I went through the My Coach Guy process of creation, I tell you what mate, it was then that I decided that this year, I was going to make resolutions or goals, I was just going to go out there and do the things that made me want to do other things.

Every year, I do a lot of work on my values and the things that are important to me, and this is something that I have noticed over the years when studying and learning from successful people around me. They tend to focus on things that are in line with these values and when doing so, achieve a lot more – one of the subtle differences that make a difference. A mentor of mine once said to me “when your vision and mission are truly in line with your values and beliefs, amazing things happen” and at first, I did not quite comprehend the power of the words he spoke to me. I resisted his words at first, as I am sure we all do, but once I submitted to it and tried something different, strange things started to happen. All of a sudden, I received phone calls or met people that played a significant part in really doing the things I wanted to do. So this year again, I decided that I would work towards those top 3 values that were going to be important to me.

I guess that as I was rather ill at the time, it was not a coincidence that Health would most definitely be very high on the list, so what were the others going to be? Again, going through the My Coach Guy process and doing what I know works very well, I got my Top 3 2010 Values – Health, Fun and Contribution.

So, the task that lay ahead of me. What can I do this year that will encompass all 3 of these values? What could I do that, when I am sitting wherever I choose to be on 31st December 2010 and look back at my year, will make it one of the most amazing years ever? If these values were that important to me now, how much more important would they be when I got there, knowing that I had had a year filled with health and fun whilst just adding value to whatever it is I choose to add value to?

After a few conversations with my coach and close friends, I realised that the only way to have these things in my life was to do these things in my life, and to do these things, I needed to be these things, so that is what I would like to share with you here.

1)    Andy (one of my closest friends) and I both share similar values in life and whilst chatting the other evening, came up with what we believe is a great plan. It encompasses things very important to us and things we want to do and be this year so we are in the process of putting it together. Health is important to both of us so we have decided that we will be putting ourselves through the challenge of getting fit this year, and in doing so, will be making a calendar for 2011, the proceeds of which will go to charity. So far, we have confirmed 6 men taking part in this with us and it looks set to be an enjoyable way to get fit and healthy during the year. In October this year, we will be organising the photo shoot and all that jazz so I will keep you updated as we go on.
2)    I decided that if I was going to get healthy, there is only one way to do it and that would be properly. I have joined a gym and will be having my first session early next week, and another friend of mine works for a charity – The Gorilla Organisation – and over the last few years, I have had some amazing times helping him out. Yesterday, he was looking for some people to run the London Marathon for them so again, after a quick chat, found someone to do it with and yeah, we have now got a place to do this ! We will be doing video blogs and updates of our progress so it should be a laugh – very challenging, but hey, you only live once mate so why not !

I think that’s a pretty good way to start the year, don’t you? The only way to have something different in your life is to do something different in your life, and to do that, you need to be the person that does those kinds of things !

What person are you going to be this year in order to do the things that will give you what you want out of your life? Don’t worry about resolutions and goals, just do things mate !

Also, if you want to find out more about the My Coach Guy process, stay tuned as it aint long before the first book is finished and ready to rock and roll !

I tell you what mate, 2010 promises to be an awesome year and I look forward to sharing it with you !

So here I am, 2010 under way and the days rolling by just as they always have. I tell you what mate, for me, it aint been the greatest way to start the year having been stuck in bed with Swine Flu since just after Christmas. Never have I been this ill – well maybe once before and that was when I was in hospital some years ago and that was of my own doing really so I should not really complain.

Anyway, as I was saying, it really knocked me for six and until today, I can honestly say that I aint had much energy or desire to do anything except get well. And you know what shocked me the most during all of this ? It was some of the stuff I had to go through in my head. Normally, you could watch TV or write or listen to music – well, none of that applied here because my head felt like it was physically going to explode, so all I could do was lie there and accept whatever my mind and body threw at me.

I dont really want to admit this, but I sunk to a pretty low place – OK, lets be honest and to some of you, it may sound stupid – but I sunk to a place that I have not been to for many years. 2009 was challenging for me, really challenging and I went through some pretty big stuff, probably the biggest of which was losing my job mid-year. For those of you that have been affected by the recession and whatever it has to offer, you will know what I am referring to. To cut a long story short, I was (being a contract worker at the time and through some corporate bullying tactics) literally dismissed by text and it was not fun. It destroyed my confidence hugely and it made me seriously questions my own values and ethics, something that I hold extremely close to my heart. Yes, I know I am fully NLP Qualified and a Master Results Coach and all that jazz, but you know what, it still knocks you down, no matter how confident and all you are and I challenge anyone to comment on that !

It was then that I learnt the importance of reaching out to people,and through that, I managed to get through the rest of the year, albeit a bumpy and rocky road. Combined with some other personal matters that I had to attend to, and I am sure you will find out more about these as time goes on, I came to the end of 2009, very glad to see the end of it, and clearly, my body chose this time to take a rest.

So there I was, contemplating everything that had passed and everything that I had originally set out to do at the beginning of 2009 and it hit me ! Out of all the “goals” I had set for myself, I think I managed to achieve maybe 40% of them, if that ! And boy, did I get mad ! The things that were running through my head were wonderful.

“Call yourself a person who wants to help others achieve their dreams and you cant even do your own shit?” were one of the more polite ones, so you can catch my drift. I am ashamed to say that, whilst reviewing things I allowed myself to go back to a very dark place, one that I had been to many years ago – and it scared me. It scared me a lot. I found myself seriously questioning myself on many levels – spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally – and I got the point where I thought “What is the fucking point ?” and that made it even worse because then I single-handidly sabotaged myself in one of my most severe ways similar to that statement above and this was what I said to myself

“You want to help people get out of the depths of suicidal depression and addiction and self harming and confusion and here you are, lying in bed, crying and ready to give up. You dont know anything !”

To some people, this may seem rather drastic, but as I said, 2009 was a very challenging year for me personally, and as we get to know each other better, I will give more insight into all that went on but for this, I just wanted to be upfront and honest with the feelings that were going on in my head because some people could easily get to feeling like this for seemingly no reason at all.

So, I picked up my computer, looked up a website, got an email address and sent off an email and sat there, allowing myself to just go through whatever was coming my way. And I got an email back and opened it up and that was when it hit me ! That was when the light bulb in my head began flickering brighter. I guess it must have been how my mate, Tom Eddison (sp?) felt when he first saw that flicker of light.

Some years back, when I reached that place in my mind, I made plans – and it wasn’t good plans. I made phone calls, didn’t have email myself back then so couldn’t email so instead I did some driving around and got what I needed and wanted. But this time, even after challenging myself with that last statement, I did something different ! My subconcious learning and programming and everything that I am so passionate about – all that I have been working on and all that I know has the ability to change lives - KICKED IN !

I had found the way, the right way, to be my own Tom Eddison (I like to think that is what we would call him if he was around now, or maybe even Tommy E.) If this works on me, my own harshest critic and crash test dummy, then when would now be a good time to start sharing it with other people.

Life works in the most wonderous of ways when you let it. I tell you what mate, I am going to keep working on this light bulb until it is bright enough to touch the life of anyone who needs light in it, and then some !

I looked at the goals I had set for myself in 2009, the ones that I had supposedly failed to achieve, and then began to see the error of my ways. Every goal that I did achieve was done in the true MY COACH GUY fashion, and the ones that I did not get to, even though one or 2 could have been scaled down slightly if I were to be honest, were not set out quite right. The light bulb flickered again when I saw this and realised again, that what I wanted to share with people who wanted it could actually change their lives yet again ! My first “book” is nearing completion and this will show you all you need to know about MY COACH GUY and how we go about things – its going to rock so stay tuned !

It’s pretty cool when you get stuff like that sinking in. It’s pretty cool when you realise that even though you may think you are your own worst enemy, you still have the ability to be your own best friend. Tommy E never gave up and thank goodness he didn’t because if he did, then maybe I wouldn’t have found the right way to start making my own light bulb.

I tell you what mate, I don’t know about you but I am starting to get just a little bit excited for 2010. It’s going to be an amazing year, no matter what happens and I am glad that I have you guys to share it with !